How to train your demon

“Alcohol encompasses both stimulating and sedative effects. Although clinically categorized as a depressant, the amount of alcohol consumed and a person’s reaction determines the type of effect he or she will experience.” – Google article

I did small research on Google, trying to understand what happened with my body because everytime I drank I almost always ended up crying the whole night and depressed for at least a day after. Well, people said it brings the real you, the self you hide. Have no opportunity to dig in on the theory, but well, it might be possible. Daily, I consider myself as a happy kid, laugh and get excited easily. But sure, only heaven have no sadness,

Friends asked me, “what happened, why did you cry?”. Simply answer, “I don’t know, I am just sad”. No, I know, I just didn’t wanna bother others with the painful story of life. Otherwise I will spoil the whole book in a sip.

But, let me tell you some of the depressed thoughts in my head when the substance flows in the body versus normal conditions.

Depressed mode: “Oh I am so ugly and weird, made tons of mistakes, a terrible person, I deserve no love”.

Normal mode: “I know The One who loves me for the imperfection, who dies for my sins. I am loved.”

Depressed mode: “I am so lonely, I wish I could get a hug, I wish someone would understand the pain in me more than all of the superficial.”

Normal mode: “Oh girl, you are lucky as hell. You have family and friends who love you, people around who take care of you like a little princess, you just didn’t have a boyfriend, not lonely, lol. ”

Depressed mode: “I am so tired. I wish I could go back to 22, life shall run simple and straight. But it just isn’t, I face tons of pain that I never imagined. Life is a tragedy.”

Normal mode: “Well, your heart needs to be shaped, your story needs to be shared. Nothing happened for no purpose. I am so grateful for all the sunshine and storms I’ve been through.”

Which one is my real thought? If the theory of it brings the real you right. Depressed mode it is. But I decided to not believe all the thoughts in my head. I try to train the monkey in me. Easy? No, for sure. Success? Not always.

Not only due to alcohol, don’t all of us have demons inside who keep telling us all of the negative thoughts. We give them power once we believe in it, then it consumes us, then we believe the lie, then it turns to reality.
I’ve been there for a long time, on my battle I woke up everyday thinking that life is a tragedy. But, then I got sick of it. And I said to the demon in me, “No no no! I will not let you ruin my day, I will not let you waste the chance of life that God gives to me”.

First break the chain.

Feeling and thought are temporary, and you have the power to change anything inside you if you want, but first you need to break the cloud. Understand what happens, what is the trigger. These past weeks, I’ve been overthinking but I am not so sure what’s the reason. So this morning I decided to go to the beach cafe, order coffee and write this. Writing is my therapy, not only for sharing with others but also to solve the internal struggle. I am not sure what method works for you, but I am here to clap you, once you decide to break your chain.

Look from a different window.

Then, give yourself another perspective. Say to the demon, “thank you for giving me perspective, maybe not all negative thoughts are bad, some of them are prevention, but it’s time for me to look from another window”. Then push yourself to believe the thoughts that give you peace and joy.

Repeat the mantras.

Everytime the demon is on your head, keep repeating the mantras. It’s not one time off skills, life is turbulence. Be friend not enemy to yourself. If you need time to cry, then cry. If you need to grief then do it. It’s okay to feel low and be negative. Just do not let it consume you too long, life is short, you won’t waste it to feel bad, right?

Well, I need to add another tip, but it might not work in general, not trying to preach too. If you want to do it easier, do not rely on your strength. Ask His help, just do your portion, and trust. Wish you able to train your demon, and be the happiest~

Bali, August 17th, 2021
Beautiful sunny day on the beach.