How She Raises Us

I watched some episodes of Sky Castle which were recommended by a friend. I rejected it at first because drama with many bad characters will drain my emotion, yet she insisted, saying that I will learn some values. Well, after five episodes I feel mad, so I decided to write to make myself feel better.

The drama is about mid-top families who push their children to be successful, they do anything to make sure their children will be accepted at the top universities. As a daughter whose mom said, “do not study too hard, you must find the balance and enjoy your life”, for sure I couldn’t relate and disagree with those types of parenting.

Well, if you wanna learn about what you shouldn’t do as a parent, kindly found the drama on Netflix. I won’t talk much about it. I would rather talk about my mom’s parenting style. I won’t say this is the right model because the value of life is subjective. Yet, this might be part of our considerations.

She never compares their children to another

Having a sister like me might be a nightmare for my brother, yet he could sleep well cause mom never compares us. I was quite good at school, never failing to get top rank while my brother was often on the button of the class. I collected many trophies while he did not even have the nerve to be on stage.

Once he gets a bad score, we just laugh and make jokes. Instead, she said that every kid is blessed by unique talent. He might not be good at school as his sister, but mom is very proud of his music skill or even when he wins the online games. She accepts us as we are, raises us without any burden of pressure.

She grants her children the freedom to decide

“You’ll be the one who lives your life”, she said. We can do anything, we can be anything, we have the freedom to decide from a very young age. Mom and dad will only guide us with their view based on the wisdom of experiences. But the decision is all on us as independent humans. Even when it’s a family decision, as the kids we are free to give our two cents.

Fortunately, I never feel the pressure of the “when will you get married” question. In family meetings, I was the one who joked around asking, “don’t you guys have someone to match with me?”. And they will say, “nope, you’re too picky”, which not really by the way. Mom even added, “don’t shame me, you couldn’t find it by yourself? I had lots of admirers when I was young”.

She give example not order

One important value she teaches me is to treat people the same, no matter he is the CEO or the office boy. Back then, we had a neighbor who is a rich religious leader. People usually bend down when they pass him. Yet, mom will only smile, the same smile she gives to homeless grandpa who lives across our house. Not only give him food, she often spends time talking with him.

When I was in elementary school, we have a helper that only 2 years older than me. She treats us the same. I need to help her wash dishes. Even share the same bedroom. When she bought me clothes, she will also get the same ones. At that age, I was annoyed, now I understand the value she teaches me.

She is the best friend of their children

We could tell her everything without hesitation because she is very cool and fun. Just like a normal mother, she often nags about unimportant things but never really gets mad even when we cause troubles.

One time she was called by the principal’s office because my brother was selling vape at school. Instead of getting mad, she said “your brother has the sense of business, he bought it online to sell it at a higher price”. Or when my uncle reported to grandpa that he saw me ditching at school hours. She defended us, cooly said, “I believe my children more than other people, they must have their reason”. Yap, she gives us trust, being honest is very important, she is cool so we didn’t need to lie.

We told her everything, just like a best friend. Including ‘the boys’, I always brief her with a profile introduction and picture. So boys, secretly my mom knows about you, haha. Like a best friend, she didn’t deeply ask about family background, education, or other serious topics. More into fun girls talk about boys, she usually picks the handsome and cool one, lol. While others might give specific requirements, oppositely she reminds me not to be so picky, no one is perfect and I shall learn to accept or I will end up alone, lol.

Just like a good friend, she didn’t push further once I didn’t want to tell. On-call, she usually follows up with some names, and once I said do not ask about him, she will stop bringing the name without needing a full explanation. And yap for sure, she wouldn’t pick for me.

She teaches us the essence of life

Her main wish is for us to be happy and be blessed for others. It is more important than all the materialistic things. She didn’t need us to be super smart or super-rich. She wants us to live life and enjoy it. And remind us that life will be meaningful when we can help others.

She didn’t require us to be submissive, she wanted us to be adventurous and rich with experiences. A good kid is not the one that follows the parents’ instructions but the one that uses wisdom to decide. Not the one with no mistake, yet the one who learns. And the core is for us to have the right heart.

Thank you for raising me with love mom.

Jakarta, February 22nd, 2021